Midnight Uses for Tissues

I would apologise for my lack of photos, but then I have to apologise for my unattractive features, Australia-sized ass and chopping board chest, so you know... would then have to preach about inner beauty and all that self-appreciating hogwash.

Too lazy.

Here, enjoy Lee Hyori instead. If you need tissues, I recommend Kleenex. Two-plies and extra absorbent!

Things I Miss About Malaysia.

1. Malaysia. Is. Hot.

It's just simmering, I can see the heatwaves radiating from the road, my sweat reaches boiling temperature and I start perspiring even as I step out of the bathroom after a fresh shower.

If I had gargantuan boobs, I swear it would've pooled into a mini pond between my cleavage. "Thank you, hidden blessings in life" I say, as I pat the upper abdomen area of my body that's missing the two noticeable bumps, struggling to hold back a stubborn tear.

When I think back to last year's 6 months of winter, the violent shivering, the occasional broken heaters and showering in ice cold water, the waking up and staying under the duvet for an extra 5 minutes or 3 hours and the winter depression, I cherish each blinding sweat that drips acid-like into my eyes.

2. Malaysian Food.

Six plates of rice a day... check.

Chicken, Fish, Meat, Squid, Prawns and (a skimpy amount of) Greens per meal... check.

Artery clogging oily fried food and gravy swimming in fat building coconut milk... BLISFULLY check check check.

Mounting health bills... Hahahahahahaha.

Hahahahahaha.

Hah.

The overfeeding thing is getting uncomfortable though. To be honest, I was excited and in trepidation about the onslaught of Malaysian feasts. Excited about finally quitting the milk and oatmeals breakfast, lunch and dinner but terrified of the "What do you mean you're finished? You ate so little... here, have a fifth helping!" thing. Forget about clothes ripping at the seams, I'm worried how my stretched-to-the-max skin is handling it. I doubt my pregnant cousin is sporting more stretch marks than I am.

3. Malaysian English

I have a love/hate relationship with our culture's own variant of English. I love it because it's so unique, so stubbornly wrong, so culturally etched, so... us.

I hate it because the constant usage is again, making it ingrained into my subconscious speech and I doubt if any client or employer would be impressed with it.

You see;

"The software was corrupted from improper shutting down of the computer, and I suspect a sudden voltage increase tripped the memory portion. How do you propose we go about it?"

Sounds better than;

"Eh sir, this file ah, broken a bit. Someone on the computer never turn off properly now the harddisk kena shock one. What to do?"

I'm quite screwed.

4. Family and friends

The past few weeks of hanging with family and friends have been compacted into the best days of my life, rivalling closely with my whole two years experience in London. I won't say more, since I'm still enjoying it and it might be jinxed if I start profusely sharing the glorious moments.

What I will say though, is...

Anti-social what? Schizoid who? Computer wh---

Ok not ready to part with computers just yet.

I am looking forward to not being a nomad anymore, getting my own place and building up my home entertainment system, however. Chilling with loved ones is great after a 2 years absence, but I can't turn my back on the maturing relationship with isolation that's been nurtured for the same 2 years. Or 6 years, whichever way you want to see it. I wonder if having a mentally unstable brother and sudden loss of authority figures in life had anything to do with that.

And I still have to work on that needing to be alone and lack of attraction to opposite sex thing. It's possible, I know it is. Oh, you first world problems you.