I always though it more from influence than genetics. He was my dad after all, and he somehow molded me into becoming like him. He wouldn't shower me with accessories and dresses, but he would go broke buying the long list of books I wanted. Eventually, I started reading his books by the age of 11. Stephen King, Josh Grisham, Frederick Forsynth... those were his favourite authors and now they're mine.
He got me my first laptop at fourteen, my first harddisk in the same year. He would praise me when I showed him how advanced my computer skills as a teenage girl was, and got me my Gameboy and first Pokemon game. He would proudly show off any new headphones and other computer paraphernalias to me and encouraged me to tinker with them.
Not to say he didn't try it with the others. I guess they weren't as easily moulded. He bought the eldest one a game console, a PlayStation 2, but she never once played with it (Guess who got the honours instead?). With the youngest sibling, her femininity and personality was already so strongly pronounced at a young age, so for her he tended to her already developed interests - Teddy bears, make-up table toy sets and dresses.
It wasn't until a revealing talk with my aunt whom knew him well that I discovered that, of all things, I also have his personality. My aunt's uncommonly perceptive so she knew my dad well, and now she knows me well. She told me a week ago that my inclination for isolation and love for self-indulging activities was a classic case of my Dad's. He doesn't have trouble making friends but keeping in contact is where problems start brewing; which is exactly my case.
I'd always noted that my dad was a bit of a loner despite always having people around him. When he took me along for outings with his friends (there were a few times I would stay alone with my dad in his apartment in Semenanjung while the others were still in Sarawak), he never seemed to be having as much fun as when he was at home, watching movies or reading his book (Which also, for me, is the most enjoyable way to spend time).
But because I was able to see these things as a young girl, maybe what I have, my anti-socialness, is from learned behaviour? Or could this really be my innate self?
Things to ponder on.
I feel the same here, on my part. I'd rather stay home with a bunch of movies or a book to read than partying outside.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, there's nothing wrong with being our innate self, just as long as we are 'smart' about it. Knowing that just holing ourselves is just unhealthy socially, and physically, and do give time to others as well.
Other than that, keep being yourself. You're a smart girl, I'm pretty sure you'll handle this well. :)