Thursday, May 14, 2009

Summer Joy (Impending)

Summer's a'comin', remnants of spring shakes its plethora of colours from its leafy green branches.

There's so many things that can brighten your day in summer. The sun beating down on you, the canvass of pristine white clouds against an encompassing cerulean blue, rays of sunlight cascading from the sky to bask you in that much appreciated warmth especially if the weather's been bitingly cold as of late... and most of all, layers of protruding abdominal fat publicly showcased by the walking heart-attacks who would redefine obesity if they could.

Summer attire, you are the bane of my existence. 

Body-hugging baby-Ts, spaghetti straps and tank tops, miniskirts and summer shorts.

Foreigners are so considerate. How did they know I've been oh-so-eager to see their glaringly obvious stretch marks and that I find it endlessly entertaining to count how many layers of fat they have? (For the purpose of preserving mental health, this math-related, graphic-heavy mind exercise is suitable for those aged 7 and above). Looking at your unshaved underarms and legs also fills me with such happiness and joy.

1 out of 4 people in the UK are overweight, and they're proud of it, damnit. The parade of the morbidly obese will commence within a few weeks and this is when I ask; "Why, God? Why did you only give so very few of them heart attacks this year?"

Have God no mercy on my sanity? Oh wait, swine flu.

My prayers have been answered.

I think the thing I should be noting is the intensity of the sun's rays at times. London is very different from Malaysia. Here, people actually purchase sunglasses to like, use them. Outside. When the sun gets blindingly unbearable (it's a daily occurrence). I mean, who does that? In Malaysia, we wear them inside shopping complexes, because darn it, those KLCC lights are too much for our fragile eyesights! They're goddamn necessities!

Silly Londoners.

Should I purchase a pair or risk reduced eye capacity from rolling my eyes (in glee. When I see another skimpily clad, fat person passing by) and accidentally looking straight into the sun too often?

glasses and summer


A decent pair from a decent brand (Next, Topshop, etc) could range from £5 - £20. Not bad, if you ask me. But then again, I'm saving up for Sennheiser's PX100 or Koss's KSC75. Haven't made up my mind on which of these two headphones to get. Let's label them glasses as luxury items for now. 

My ears > My eyes.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Obama and Swine Flu

"Someone once said when a black man becomes president pigs will fly. Sure enough 100 days later, 'swine flew'".

A friend texted me with that the other day and it got me thinking. There was too much goddamn hype on Obama's first 100 days in office but the coincidental merge on the FLU PANDEMIC/APOCALYPSE/ARMAGEDDON/FUCK LIV TYLER IS HOT timestamp was actually something to ponder much on. A silent biological warfare retaliation by a particular disgruntled ex-president, maybe? I don't know if I'll get in trouble with this incriminating suggestion by giving out a name, but who cares. I'm talking about George B... Nixon.

</Chickened Out>

But oh yeah, 100 days is surely one of the most effective method to evaluate the performance of presidential efficacy. On the 5th of May 2009, Obama was subject to high-profile criticism and such close-ranged scrutiny you have to wonder if they're gonna cancel American Idol that night with the overwhelming media coverage he was getting.

ADAM LAMBERT FTW.

(Okay they didn't cancel American Idol but Scrubs did get aired a day later though. I'm not a Scrubs fan so... mwehehe.)

America had always practised a veritable evaluation run-through of their leaders. That's why it took them only 4 years to notice George B... err Nixon was fucking up the country. And hell, he was doing such a great job at it, why not elect him for another 4? He's only semi-fucked the other countries during his 4-years stint, so it's only fair to give them just as much attention and share of his rainbow-hued, puppy and lollipop love achievable through another 4. Palestine looks a bit desolate and explosion-less this year, we can fix that!

Compare the pre and post-Bush era. Aren't we filled with more happiness and love now? :D

Am I pro-Obama? Not too sure myself, he was filled with so much hope and promise during his campaign. Heck, both those words were used to describe him in at least 11 out of 10 articles that brought up the subject of this new "full of hope and promise" candidate for presidency... and by bloggers that felt compelled to blog about him just to show they're up-to-date intellects that are savvy with current world happenings and not just photo whores who pike up their stats with over-sexed and precarious party pictures.

Post #1: Here's a picture of me during XXX's birthday party! Hehe, he is such a silly goof!

Post #2: Our trip to the beach. What do you think of my skimpy bikini?

Post #3: OBAMA WON! Omg, I am so happy! He is so full of hope and promise I know that he would do greatly as the American president. :)

Post #4: Went to the club today to celebrate YYY going away party!!!!!!!

Goes to show just how influential Obama is. He is so imposing and powerful, he's capable of disrupting the flow of supericial and bimbotic blog posts. I am in awe. It does reflect his 69% approval rating though. So far, reading up on his 'achievements' and following through on his actions, I'd say he's a mid-paced realist. He's not winning any points from me yet, but he hasn't lost any either. We'll probably see how it goes in the next "100 days after the first 100 days of Obama as president!" Followed by a quick review of what the next 100 after the first 100 days following the subsequent 100 days.

Oh, and by the way... you people are seriously goddamn idiots.

song-chart-memes-swine-flu

Swine flu isn't going to kill us all. Too bad, cause I won't mind having less idiots around. So here's the scare; 2 deaths in the US already? Oh wow, that is just so terrifying, especially compared to the hundreds of death that would be caused by the common flu, at average, in a week. Now the hospitals are overloaded, billions are lost on cancelled air travels, students' daily routines disrupted with the closing of several schools, and people are packing up on ammunition because when you're shit-faced, scared and highly anticipatory of mass increase in morbidity rate, guns are apparently the best solution.

Wow. Humankind. We're just fucking mindblowing geniuses.

It's just the media set out to grab your attention. Now why would they do something like that, I wonder? Why would the media exaggerate and blow something completely out of proportions on something that would obviously pique our interest and boost their sales figures? It's almost unheard of!

In case you forgot how stupid you are, here's another brief reminder;

song-chart-memes-people-killed

Swine Flu has a similar percentage of death rate as the common flu, the difference being that there is no mass vaccination programme unlike the common flu, which obviously has its own mass vaccination programme because well, I don't know, it's been around for far longer than Bush's term as president? (Which, in retrospect, felt like it lasted forever). The common flu kills about 36, 000 Americans per year. That's approximately an average of 100 deaths in a day. Swine flu's first victim in 2009 (when the 'virulent disease' was at its inception stage) was on the 13th of April in Mexico. It's almost four weeks now and it has claimed 42 victims in Mexico. Now, since the earlier figures were statistical results pertaining to America's morbidity rate on the common flu, we should take note that there has only been two deaths reported since 29th of April in America. The first victim claimed was a susceptible 23 months old baby and the second was a pregnant woman. Within slightly over a week, the swine flu claims only 2 victims. Gee, how potent it is.

Also, both these victims were already riddled with various disease and health problems. The toddler has "a chronic muscle weakness called myasthenia gravis, a heart defect, a swallowing problem and lack of oxygen" while the pregnant lady suffered from "asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, a skin condition called psoriasis and was 35 weeks pregnant". Was anyone surprised their lives caved in so easily?

Now new things are cropping up; A recent report by the New England of Journal, released by the CDC submitted details on the 22 hospitalised with swine flu. Nine had "chronic medical conditions", one even has a congenital heart disease, while 5 alone were asthma sufferers. I do admit that the 900 confirmed cases in the US sounds quite daunting, however. [Source]

It's all a media hype, nothing more. Now please just stop talking about how we're going to die and how you fantasize yourself of being the heroine in Resident Evil (just with you not looking like the hot Mila Jovovich but more like the innumerable dead zombies) as we near the "apocalypse" and talk more about how they're finally opening four halal KFC outlets in East London yay! Less about the panic of something so infinitesimally trivial and more about filling me up 'till I swell up like a balloon.

I didn't get an ass this big without much hard-earned effort.

This was 2 days ago, but still...

UK cable operator Virgin Media has announced the first real-world customer pilots of up to 200Mbps broadband services using DOCSIS3 technology from Cisco, which could make it one of the fastest Internet Service Providers (ISPs) in the world. Following successful lab trials, the 6 month long pilot started last week in Ashford, Kent (England), and will ultimately employ 100 customers in the testing process. The pilot will, among other things, test future online consumer applications, including High Definition Internet TV (HD IPTV) and the ability to deliver applications and support for home IT needs through its network. By comparison J:Com in Japan supplies broadband at up to 160Mbps and Cablevision in the US supplies broadband at up to 101Mbps. Like Virgin Media, both companies use DOCSIS3 technology for broadband over cable networks. [Source]


On trial, but still. This is motivation to continue staying in the UK, or scoop out my eyeballs with rusted nails and prongs until it becomes available in this lifetime/in my area/have to move back to Malaysia NOW and resume the services of Screamyx. Hell I'd move to Kent if I'd be chosen as one of those to help run the testing period.

On a slight tangent, apparently googling "WHY WON'T MY FUCKING BALANCE SHEET BALANCE?!?!" won't really help much with accounting homework. I guess Google isn't really the cesspool of worthwhile information. I should've noticed that when I googled "Where are my fucking house keys auuughhhasdgfdklsmfssfnwkjrn!!!" in futile earlier.

This is what google image search returned for "Where are my fucking house keys?!" though;

doggie

joe biden

Apparently lost house keys can anthropromorphize into a lowly animal that spews and lives within its own whirlpool of shit and make annoying sounds that grates on your nerves while you conjure up images of strangling said source with thin barb wires.

Oh and the dog is cute too.

Gotta go. Searching for my... nevermind.