Wacko Jacko

Finding a decent picture of him is like figuring out rocket science.

You know, as shocking as Jacko's death might be, there's another thing that impacted a stronger "What The Fux0rz" reaction;

The aftermath.

Right now, headlines of him getting a Muslim burial, claims of his alleged child molestation being fictitious (they claimed the child confessed to lying as per his parent's request), his death bearing a suspicious cause, and more of his conversion to Islam tales are mushrooming. So now, I'm fasting from any world-related news for a few days. Then I can be like those boarding school kids who can elaborate on the atom's structure word-by-textbook word but still go "Obama? Is that like, a new breed of llamas?"

Not that they can speak decent English though. It would probably sound something like this; "Obama? Is that likes.. new breeding of the animal that looking like llama?"

Assuming they know what a llama is. (If you're wondering why the sudden animosity towards boarding school kids... let's just say there's one particular person who's grating my nerves. If she's not careful, I am so featuring her on this space).

I'll miss the guy though, even though I don't exactly live next door to him and have evening tea and scones together or anything.

As a kid, I remember watching his music videos together with my little sister on laser disc all the time. We'd skip 'Thriller' because the music video would scare the crap out of us...

Okay, maybe just me.

I honestly still can't watch that music video until now and it's the only Jacko song I haven't heard 'till the end. 'Remember The Time' and 'Rock With You' will always be an all-time favourite though.

By the way, you might hate me for this but I'm one of those who believe that his previous child molestation case was fabricated. Not blown out of proportions but completely fabricated. Media hype. Greedy, manipulative parents. Puppeteered, innocent kids. I'm ready to be humiliated and proven wrong however, and I think Kak Wani's the only one who can do that.

A last note from me;

SO true.

Summer Joy (Impending)

Summer's a'comin', remnants of spring shakes its plethora of colours from its leafy green branches.

There's so many things that can brighten your day in summer. The sun beating down on you, the canvass of pristine white clouds against an encompassing cerulean blue, rays of sunlight cascading from the sky to bask you in that much appreciated warmth especially if the weather's been bitingly cold as of late... and most of all, layers of protruding abdominal fat publicly showcased by the walking heart-attacks who would redefine obesity if they could.

Summer attire, you are the bane of my existence. 

Body-hugging baby-Ts, spaghetti straps and tank tops, miniskirts and summer shorts.

Foreigners are so considerate. How did they know I've been oh-so-eager to see their glaringly obvious stretch marks and that I find it endlessly entertaining to count how many layers of fat they have? (For the purpose of preserving mental health, this math-related, graphic-heavy mind exercise is suitable for those aged 7 and above). Looking at your unshaved underarms and legs also fills me with such happiness and joy.

1 out of 4 people in the UK are overweight, and they're proud of it, damnit. The parade of the morbidly obese will commence within a few weeks and this is when I ask; "Why, God? Why did you only give so very few of them heart attacks this year?"

Have God no mercy on my sanity? Oh wait, swine flu.

My prayers have been answered.

I think the thing I should be noting is the intensity of the sun's rays at times. London is very different from Malaysia. Here, people actually purchase sunglasses to like, use them. Outside. When the sun gets blindingly unbearable (it's a daily occurrence). I mean, who does that? In Malaysia, we wear them inside shopping complexes, because darn it, those KLCC lights are too much for our fragile eyesights! They're goddamn necessities!

Silly Londoners.

Should I purchase a pair or risk reduced eye capacity from rolling my eyes (in glee. When I see another skimpily clad, fat person passing by) and accidentally looking straight into the sun too often?




A decent pair from a decent brand (Next, Topshop, etc) could range from £5 - £20. Not bad, if you ask me. But then again, I'm saving up for Sennheiser's PX100 or Koss's KSC75. Haven't made up my mind on which of these two headphones to get. Let's label them glasses as luxury items for now. 

My ears > My eyes.

Obama and Swine Flu

"Someone once said when a black man becomes president pigs will fly. Sure enough 100 days later, 'swine flew'".

A friend texted me with that the other day and it got me thinking. There was too much goddamn hype on Obama's first 100 days in office but the coincidental merge on the FLU PANDEMIC/APOCALYPSE/ARMAGEDDON/FUCK LIV TYLER IS HOT timestamp was actually something to ponder much on. A silent biological warfare retaliation by a particular disgruntled ex-president, maybe? I don't know if I'll get in trouble with this incriminating suggestion by giving out a name, but who cares. I'm talking about George B... Nixon.

</Chickened Out>

But oh yeah, 100 days is surely one of the most effective method to evaluate the performance of presidential efficacy. On the 5th of May 2009, Obama was subject to high-profile criticism and such close-ranged scrutiny you have to wonder if they're gonna cancel American Idol that night with the overwhelming media coverage he was getting.

ADAM LAMBERT FTW.

(Okay they didn't cancel American Idol but Scrubs did get aired a day later though. I'm not a Scrubs fan so... mwehehe.)

America had always practised a veritable evaluation run-through of their leaders. That's why it took them only 4 years to notice George B... err Nixon was fucking up the country. And hell, he was doing such a great job at it, why not elect him for another 4? He's only semi-fucked the other countries during his 4-years stint, so it's only fair to give them just as much attention and share of his rainbow-hued, puppy and lollipop love achievable through another 4. Palestine looks a bit desolate and explosion-less this year, we can fix that!

Compare the pre and post-Bush era. Aren't we filled with more happiness and love now? :D

Am I pro-Obama? Not too sure myself, he was filled with so much hope and promise during his campaign. Heck, both those words were used to describe him in at least 11 out of 10 articles that brought up the subject of this new "full of hope and promise" candidate for presidency... and by bloggers that felt compelled to blog about him just to show they're up-to-date intellects that are savvy with current world happenings and not just photo whores who pike up their stats with over-sexed and precarious party pictures.

Post #1: Here's a picture of me during XXX's birthday party! Hehe, he is such a silly goof!

Post #2: Our trip to the beach. What do you think of my skimpy bikini?

Post #3: OBAMA WON! Omg, I am so happy! He is so full of hope and promise I know that he would do greatly as the American president. :)

Post #4: Went to the club today to celebrate YYY going away party!!!!!!!

Goes to show just how influential Obama is. He is so imposing and powerful, he's capable of disrupting the flow of supericial and bimbotic blog posts. I am in awe. It does reflect his 69% approval rating though. So far, reading up on his 'achievements' and following through on his actions, I'd say he's a mid-paced realist. He's not winning any points from me yet, but he hasn't lost any either. We'll probably see how it goes in the next "100 days after the first 100 days of Obama as president!" Followed by a quick review of what the next 100 after the first 100 days following the subsequent 100 days.

Oh, and by the way... you people are seriously goddamn idiots.

Swine flu isn't going to kill us all. Too bad, cause I won't mind having less idiots around. So here's the scare; 2 deaths in the US already? Oh wow, that is just so terrifying, especially compared to the hundreds of death that would be caused by the common flu, at average, in a week. Now the hospitals are overloaded, billions are lost on cancelled air travels, students' daily routines disrupted with the closing of several schools, and people are packing up on ammunition because when you're shit-faced, scared and highly anticipatory of mass increase in morbidity rate, guns are apparently the best solution.

Wow. Humankind. We're just fucking mindblowing geniuses.

It's just the media set out to grab your attention. Now why would they do something like that, I wonder? Why would the media exaggerate and blow something completely out of proportions on something that would obviously pique our interest and boost their sales figures? It's almost unheard of!

In case you forgot how stupid you are, here's another brief reminder;



Swine Flu has a similar percentage of death rate as the common flu, the difference being that there is no mass vaccination programme unlike the common flu, which obviously has its own mass vaccination programme because well, I don't know, it's been around for far longer than Bush's term as president? (Which, in retrospect, felt like it lasted forever). The common flu kills about 36, 000 Americans per year. That's approximately an average of 100 deaths in a day. Swine flu's first victim in 2009 (when the 'virulent disease' was at its inception stage) was on the 13th of April in Mexico. It's almost four weeks now and it has claimed 42 victims in Mexico. Now, since the earlier figures were statistical results pertaining to America's morbidity rate on the common flu, we should take note that there has only been two deaths reported since 29th of April in America. The first victim claimed was a susceptible 23 months old baby and the second was a pregnant woman. Within slightly over a week, the swine flu claims only 2 victims. Gee, how potent it is.

Also, both these victims were already riddled with various disease and health problems. The toddler has "a chronic muscle weakness called myasthenia gravis, a heart defect, a swallowing problem and lack of oxygen" while the pregnant lady suffered from "asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, a skin condition called psoriasis and was 35 weeks pregnant". Was anyone surprised their lives caved in so easily?

Now new things are cropping up; A recent report by the New England of Journal, released by the CDC submitted details on the 22 hospitalised with swine flu. Nine had "chronic medical conditions", one even has a congenital heart disease, while 5 alone were asthma sufferers. I do admit that the 900 confirmed cases in the US sounds quite daunting, however. [Source]

It's all a media hype, nothing more. Now please just stop talking about how we're going to die and how you fantasize yourself of being the heroine in Resident Evil (just with you not looking like the hot Mila Jovovich but more like the innumerable dead zombies) as we near the "apocalypse" and talk more about how they're finally opening four halal KFC outlets in East London yay! Less about the panic of something so infinitesimally trivial and more about filling me up 'till I swell up like a balloon.

I didn't get an ass this big without much hard-earned effort.

This was 2 days ago, but still...

UK cable operator Virgin Media has announced the first real-world customer pilots of up to 200Mbps broadband services using DOCSIS3 technology from Cisco, which could make it one of the fastest Internet Service Providers (ISPs) in the world. Following successful lab trials, the 6 month long pilot started last week in Ashford, Kent (England), and will ultimately employ 100 customers in the testing process. The pilot will, among other things, test future online consumer applications, including High Definition Internet TV (HD IPTV) and the ability to deliver applications and support for home IT needs through its network. By comparison J:Com in Japan supplies broadband at up to 160Mbps and Cablevision in the US supplies broadband at up to 101Mbps. Like Virgin Media, both companies use DOCSIS3 technology for broadband over cable networks. [Source]

On trial, but still. This is motivation to continue staying in the UK, or scoop out my eyeballs with rusted nails and prongs until it becomes available in this lifetime/in my area/have to move back to Malaysia NOW and resume the services of Screamyx. Hell I'd move to Kent if I'd be chosen as one of those to help run the testing period.

On a slight tangent, apparently googling "WHY WON'T MY FUCKING BALANCE SHEET BALANCE?!?!" won't really help much with accounting homework. I guess Google isn't really the cesspool of worthwhile information. I should've noticed that when I googled "Where are my fucking house keys auuughhhasdgfdklsmfssfnwkjrn!!!" in futile earlier.

This is what google image search returned for "Where are my fucking house keys?!" though;

Apparently lost house keys can anthropromorphize into a lowly animal that spews and lives within its own whirlpool of shit and make annoying sounds that grates on your nerves while you conjure up images of strangling said source with thin barb wires.

Oh and the dog is cute too.

Gotta go. Searching for my... nevermind.

March Pimpin'

It's my desktop for March. Yes I procrastinate so much that even doing something I actually enjoy is delayed by 23 days.

I can't wait for April and re-pimpin' of the desktop! Of course, it would probably be done sometime around July. Don't hold your breath ('Cause you'll die! :D).

This is my fresh new start.

"Is there anything wrong? You seem awfully quiet..."

I'd usually get that a lot when I'm out with others, and most of the time I'd be wondering why. I suppose when interacting with my friends, I'd be the loud and boisterous one, trying to crack funny jokes while making a fool of myself. And now, it's come to the point where my silence is something to be concerned about.

How did that happen?

I don't remember being lively when I was younger or even when I was in high school. I love going home after school and just messing with the computer, never accepting any invitations to go out or have fun and just spend the whole day with myself. I had more internet friends than any real friends. I was the typical computer addict, downloading pirate, cyber geek.

Come college, I had to stay in a cramped room with 7 others and initially, I hated it. I pretended to like it and tried to be friendly with them, and surprisingly it came with ease. Social venture was apparently a natural thing to me. Soon, I found myself liking these people, even admiring them to a certain extent. I had more than 5 close friends at a time and it was new. Still, I missed my recluse days.

Days segued into months, and subsequently years and my circle grew larger. I had a lot of close friends and a staggering number of acquaintances (those I would strike up a lively conversation with, and yet would always feel an encompassing distance to them, despite the affable interaction). I'd be going out often, though not exactly to party into the night and come home a drunken mess. One still has to choose one's crowd. I wondered if as they say, college has changed me. Growing up made me a different person. I was apt to swallow those words, until I realised one key fact: I still missed spending time with just myself.

It's fun being with other people, yeah. I found out there are other ways to interact other than being sarcastic or cynical and I'd like to think they softened me up, like melted butter on a hot pan. I can sincerely emphatise with people's concerns, and not just fake it because I'm obliged by societal rules. I became less judgmental, more compassionate and even more (earnestly) sensitive to other people's worries.

But I still missed being with me.

Is it so much to ask for, then, that I might find the same solitude that was exclusively mine and mine alone two years ago here in London?

I love London.

London is beautiful! Simply magnificent and with such panoramic views! I love it more and more.

Here's a picture that encapsulates the breathtaking elegance of this resplendent country:

Such beauty brings tears to my eyes.

Ahh London...

Seroja, the cat that I wanted to name Blu-Ray instead.

Anyone missed me while I went MIA?

No one?

Really?

Screw you I hope you get cancer.

So... Sorry for the lack of updates... and here is where I give you an excuse about being swamped with things to do, enjoying life, lacking inspiration, have exams coming up or not having proper connection et al. Choose whichever that the last 5 blogs you visited didn’t use, it would certainly give me points on originality.

Dyjae and Balqis suggested that I should probably write on a particular incident that happened approximately two months ago. It involved an exploded abdomen, exposed flesh spared of profuse bleeding brimming with balls of puss and possible infection of the gastrointestinal tract.

I promise you this would be good.

But first, I should probably prelude this post with a caveat to some:

Warning: This Post is not for the faint of heart. If you are not accustomed to seeing grotesque stuff I redirect you here instead. If you are of 13 years of age and younger, and have gratuitously conditioned yourself to the likes of the horrific and terrifying talentless Jonas Brothers, High School Musical and Miley Cyrus, then I congratulate you on having the stomach of a surgeon. You brave warriors may tread on.

But first, a little personal plea from me:

God have mercy on us all...

Moving on.

The general population, meet Seroja the cat:

Seroja, the cat.

Seroja the cat, the general population:

The general population, roughly.

At least we have opposable thumbs.

You know, dogs aren’t the only animal species capable of doing tricks. For instance, I taught Seroja to play dead.

Good kitty!

Alright, now you're just getting cocky.

We picked her up from Seroja the college. Anyway, I’ve decided on a reward-based incentive to a simple trivia. Whoever can guess where the cat’s name is inspired from gets to inhale free oxygen for the rest of their living days. I’ll even pitch in free nitrogen. I tell you, this is a tough one.

UiTM is just full of geniuses.

I was bunking at Dyjae’s room and freeloading her stash of food when I noticed it was standing in front of the door. When I went to it and bowed to pat it, I spotted from my peripheral vision a huge, gaping wound that had globs of puss deep it its recesses. Of course, I jumped in fright, panicked a bit and incoherently told Fatin who just got back from the showers what I just saw. Then I proceeded to re-enter the room and eat more of Dyjae’s chocolate crackers.

Later that night, while freeloading at Balqis’ place and eating her Dahfa Fish snacks, I mentioned the cat’s wound to Balqis so she wouldn’t much realise that I was dwindling her food stash err I mean because I was deeply anxious for the feline’s condition. Getting worked up, Balqis laid out plans for some of us to use her car to drive it to the Government Vet’s. Due to certain reasons (mostly because I was afraid of Balqis who would 100% guaranteed choose the cat’s life over mine) we then had to go to a private clinic.

It was... interesting.

Oxymoron of the day: Governmental efficiency.

Apparently, stupid Government Vet Lady didn’t much know what she was talking about. The condition that the cat suffered was apparently a rather common one, the third most common cancer suffered by cats, most recurrent in female felines.

Quite literally, milk accumulated in her mammary glands. The milk went sour, became a festive ground for bacteria, her mammary glands (titties) hardened, grew bigger and swollen and exploded (This part of the process is not to be confused by another, um, self-gratifying process).

It’s called feline mastitis.

Feline-Mass-Titties. Get it? Get it?! God I’m hilarious.

And once again, we the public are so ever impressed by the admirable sagacity and wisdom portrayed by the Government sector. Anyway, the treatment set us back about RM100 and we spent another RM100 when the cat suddenly became weak again after a week’s treatment in Dyjae’s room. That’s RM200 we spent on the cat, not to mention that additionally, we’d have to keep her in sterile conditions because having her wound getting infected is the cause of a slow, agonizingly painful death.

This is about a week after bringing her to the vet:

No more blood and puss, darn.

This picture was taken after her wound was cleaned and she was admitted for a day at the vet's (I didn't want you losing your lunch). This was two weeks:

The wound still feels sticky when you touch it, hehe. Fun.

Shout-outs.

In which I’d now like to thank Dyjae, Izzati, Fatin and her senior whom had patiently endured the cat’s constant yowling and desperate-for-attention bouts. I’d also like to apologise to Dyjae’s neighbours whom had patiently endured the cat’s nightly cacophony of noises (except for this one particular short, chubby girl who gave me the dirty look when I tended to the cat outside).

Screw you, fat chubby girl. You know what I hope you would get!

Also, another shout-out to Lily for not minding when the cat used her textbook as kitty litter.

I'd rather not talk about Lily right now. Or ever.

Finally, mad props to Balqis and her family for (Well, obviously not for choosing the cat’s life over me. I am hurt. HURT) keeping the cat at home for a month during the convalescence period. Now she’s completely healed, obese (Good job Balqis. Death due to wound infection avoided, now we just have to worry about the cat dying of a heart attack) and is one of the most pampered cat I’ve seen.

Balqis, I’ll forever remember your fervent attitude in taking care of the cat, and your compassionate nature of always putting it ahead of so many other things...

I feel the love.

Now the cat’s staying in Seroja, we brought it back about a week ago. And this particular incident that happened, is one of the creepiest experience, I kid you not.

*Nightmare on Elm Street music playing*

I don't have a recent picture but there's no open wound anymore, just a small scar where it used to be and where's the fun in that? The only cool thing about the cat now is that it only has 7 nipples. Or 5... Wait how many nipples do cats have in total?

Anyway... good luck with feeding the cat now Balqis. You are such an animal lover and may God smile upon your blessed soul as you personally take care of His wounded creatures while I... uh... give non-monetary moral support from afar.

Nighty night, Seroja.

Have fun on Izzati's bed!