UiTM Shah Alam’s APAcS (Association of Professional Accountants) Annual Grand Dinner, 21 March 2008

If there was ever a time when disemboweling yourself with a butter knife or scooping out your eyeballs with bacteria-infested fingers is more pleasant than what you have to currently endure, it was definitely tonight.

Anyway, enough with these bubbly and cheery opinions of mine; here’s the scoop.

It was made compulsory for my batch to attend. As that was the case, we were given a discount for the tickets.

Thus, instead of starving myself for three weeks, I only starved myself for two (TWO!) weeks by paying RM60 instead of RM80. Oh, such generous motherfuckers souls they are.

Blithely, I handed them a mere pittance in exchange for a ticket to a fabulous event I was rather anticipating!

Oh screw that.

I handed them two weeks’ worth of allowance to purchase a ticket that would gain me entry into four hours worth of cheap entertainment and lousy food. I sure know which anatomy of theirs I’d like to stick my ticket up…

Optimism aside, I did take pictures.

That’s my best friend Izyan. We’ve been roommates for two semesters, go on outings exclusively together, spent almost every waking hour with each other, attempt to walk to classes together and even seek each other out during classes (she’s not a classmate, unfortunately).

Of course, it was more than appropriate that during a special dinner where we should’ve mingled with friends and acquaintances and get to know them out of the element we’ve gotten acclimated to, an environment which is less subdued by restrictive university policies and the critical glares of lecturers, we only stuck to each other.

As Izyan endearingly puts it;

“God we’re pathetic.”

Ah, such warm sentiments that tugs at your heartstrings.

Of course, I also managed to somehow acknowledge the existence of the others I shared a table with.

Here’s their picture, and there’s a bonus too; With very skillful and professional photography techniques, Izyan has managed to flawlessly adjust the lighting so as to create a wondrous and spellbinding effect on their pleasant visages. Watch:

Normal face.

Hooker face! :D

I applaud your talent, Izyan.

I’ll introduce you to another good friend of mine.

She’s the one giving the camera a sexy, steamy glare. Don’t you think she just exudes elegance?

Her name’s ‘Iffah and I love spending time with her. She’s fun, animated and humorous. You can tell by that twinkle in the eye that doesn’t look like it’s possessed by a demonic presence.

Here’re pictures of us goofing around and the happy and bubbly conversations we had:

Me: Oh hey! These are REAL flowers!

Izyan: Yeah. The petals are perfect and undamaged. I know a perfect way to appreciate these little gifts of nature!

*Izyan takes out her camera*

Me: We… bash them to miniscule pieces?

Me: Hey, you know some other way to appreciate what you call ‘little gifts of nature’?

*Short silence*

Both: CAMWHORE TIME!

Me: Why the hell are you holding a butterknife to my chest?

Izyan: It’s called creativity in camwhoring.

Me: Oh, okay. Let’s do it properly.

Izyan: I’ll hold it to your neck and make it seem like I’m going to slit your throat.

Me: …Does that in any way reflect how you really feel about me?

Izyan: Shut up.

Me: …Oh yes, Izyan. The first rule of blunt-object decapitation is to give a smile. You nailed it!

Izyan: Shut up, you’re smiling too.

Me: No I’m not. I’m uh… wistfully looking at my soon-to-be-ended life embodied by the wilting flowers and--

Izyan: Whatever. We’ll take another one. I’ll look angry this time.

Me: …So uh, Izyan… in which dictionary does angry means perverted?

Izyan: SHUT UP.

‘Iffah: UhHhHhhh?

Izyan: Haha. Terrer lah engkau buat muka bodoh ni, ‘Iffah.

Me: Uh… dia tak perlu buat pun dah jadi.

*Everyone nods solemnly*

‘Iffah: HEY AKU SEPAK KANG.

*Few minutes and plenty of kicking later...*

Me: FEWD!

Izyan: Wait. Let’s take pictures first. Okay, you guys act hungry.

Me: …We don’t have to act. Iffah’s stomach started rumbling 20 minutes ago. *Impatient*

Izyan: Well, whatever. I’ll take a quick shot.

Izyan: …Aziemah, are you wearing the napkins as a bib?

Me: Why of course not. It’s my cloth-made accessory. ¬_¬

Izyan: I want to kill you so badly right now.

Izyan: ‘Iffah, kenape buat muka perempuan Melayu terakhir ni?

‘Iffah: Kenape? Comel sangat ke?

Izyan: …Tak. Nak termuntah adalah.

*Highfives Izyan* :D

Tasteless, diluted orange cordial drinks that was just oh-so-worth the RM60 we paid.

The bizarre soup that tasted like an odd mixture of chicken and sardines stirred in condense ketchup. The main course and dessert were similarly horrendous, so you’re not missing out on anything if I don’t post pictures. Here's the last one for now:

Sexy, Innocent and Badass. ...Cue the gagging.

You probably noticed how limited the backdrop and location of our pictures are. Truth be told, Izyan and I only traveled as far as the ballroom entrance to our table (which is a lengthy and exhausting three metres in distance). We did wander around during all some of the scheduled performances and hung far away from the ballroom and the snore-fest events to make for another area where skimpily clad, deaf tone female performers were singing and dancing awkwardly to a group of angmoh spectators.

Sad to say though, these were far better than the performances organised by our student committee from what I hear.

In the end, we went back early because our seniors that didn’t attend the ball picked us up right after their late dinner outside. I’m not complaining. Though, it was too bad for Izyan since her crush was crowned ‘King of the Night’ nearing the close and we missed it. Well, more like she missed him and I missed the opportunity to make fun of her. :|

Overall, I gave the night a 4 out of 10.

-6 for the suckiness of everything; and

+4 because Izyan wore make-up and a dress! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

You should know the bruises I had from the initial laughter are still visible.