I’ve been here for about 8 months already and I can safely say this is a harmonious and stately part of Malaysia. Everywhere around you, people are happy, polite and considerate. Places are clean, buildings are well-maintained and satisfaction is etched in everyone’s smiles… until the third-rate drug you knocked off Chow Kit Road wears off. Seriously? This forgotten part of the earth (and for good reasons) needs to grow a brain.
The strongest conviction one has of the general stupidity permeating the foul air of East Malaysia is their language.
The bastardization of Bahasa Melayu.
The degradation of general intelligence, and;
The introduction of douche bag-esque words.
Here’s the top three that tops my list:
1. “Tau takpe.”
“Kenape die pakai macam tu? Tak cun lah…”
“A’ah. Tau takpe.”
“Dah buat assignment tu ke? Mesti belum, saya pun belum buat lagi.”
“Haha… tau takpe.”
“Nasib baik tak pakai baju tu tadi. Pak Guard on duty hari ini.”
“Ye? Eh… a’ah. Tau takpe.”
Like how rice is staple food to Malaysians, “Tau takpe” is a staple phrase to every living human in existence. Left, right, front, centre, up your butt crack, this phrase spreads like wildfire that burns the smallest brain cells you may have miraculously inherited. If you didn’t say it at least once in a 3 minutes conversation, you’ve probably already breached about 3 state laws, 4 federal ones and scheduled to burn in hell.
Fortunately, yours truly, out of pure adaptive skills, has long started the incorporation of this overused phrase in daily conversations. Though… I might not have exactly nailed the timing…
“Eh, awak nak makan apa? Ayam, ikan, sotong?”
“Tau takpe!!!”
“…”
“What?”
2. “Tulah pasal”
“Kaler bilik tu hodoh lah… macam warna muntah.”
“Tulah pasal.”
“Kena hantar assignment esok?? Mati laaa…”
“Tulah pasal!”
I don’t exactly get what it means, but I have toed the liquid surface, tried it a few times and now I have a few tricks up my sleeve. When someone says something in an annoyed tone and pucker their lips in a I’m-a-whiny-bitch-who-thinks-everyone-cares-what-my-imitation-lipsticked-toad-ugly-lips-are-saying way, you just shout out “Tulah pasal!!” in a similarly annoyed way and attempt to look annoyed too to satiate them, although you are completely in the dark as to what they are referring to.
Nothing shuts them up better.
3. "Gedik."
“Eee… Gedik nya budak tu…”
“Tengok cara dia jalan. Gediklah!!”
You can’t imagine how much this word irritates me so. It’s sort of our version of ‘kenjet’, I think.
Initially, when I came here, I noticed everyone was saying it. This may be third in the list, but it actually wins the horse race against “Tau takpe” by a fraction of a millimetre.
Whenever you’re visiting Peninsular Malaysia, always remember that everyone around you is ‘gedik’, everything they wear is ‘gedik’, their manner of walk and speech are ‘gedik’, and the shotgun and manuals are in the backseat. Kill at whim.
The word has a simple equation, really. 1 breath to inhale oxygen into your zombie rotting dumbass brain x 2 gedik = your average Peninsular Malaysian.
I should be a wordamathecian. :D
There are so many words to annoy me, but I’m not sure if they’re exclusively Penisulaysian. Masa tu time… Cuba try… and that’ll all I can remember though I know the list is inexhaustible.
Peninsulaysian. The language of future dolts, rednecks and inbred children. Synonymous with politicians.
God bless Malaysia.
